{"product_id":"the-tactical-sloth-t-shirt","title":"“The Tactical Sloth” T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003eThe Tactical Sloth\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400; font-size: 14pt;\"\u003eDeep in the jungles where time moves slower than a DMV line, legends whisper of a creature so calm… so steady… so absurdly patient… that even elite operators look to him for guidance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThey call him \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Tactical Sloth.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eWhile others sprint, dive, and roll, this furry marksman glides through missions at a blistering \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e0.3 miles per hour\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e — because when you’re \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003ethis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e smooth, speed is optional.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eWith night vision brighter than his optimism and reflexes timed in geological eras, he never misses a shot… eventually.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eEnemies don’t fear his footsteps.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eEnemies fear the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003ewait.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400; font-size: 14pt;\"\u003eBecause when this sloth finally shows up, one thing is guaranteed:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eSlow is smooth…\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003eSmooth is Sloth.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- 100% Combed ring-spun cotton\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- Ultra-comfortable and soft for all-day comfort\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- Mid-Weight Fabric\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- Regular Fit\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #1c1d1d;\"\u003e- Standard Length Sleeves\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: #1c1d1d;\"\u003e-\u003c\/span\u003e Machine Wash on Cold\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- Tumble Dry on Low\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"\u003e- Designed and Printed in the United States\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"My Store 8","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":48508660154468,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":48508660121700,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":48508660088932,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":48508660187236,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":48508660023396,"sku":null,"price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":48508660056164,"sku":null,"price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/9372\/8356\/files\/Slow_is_smooth_90080e3b-5d10-4f09-8ff9-43e2abe11a01.png?v=1785781607","url":"https:\/\/foundingpatriots.co\/products\/the-tactical-sloth-t-shirt","provider":"Founding Patriots","version":"1.0","type":"link"}